being passive aggressive. it causes me to blow up on people and causes me to say stupid bullshit. i’m sorry i haven’t been a good friend to you. stuff like that has never caused any of my friend’s to be sad/annoyed/mad or bothered by’ before. this is all new to me. i care so much for you, which is why i freak whenever we get into argument’s, it’s why i never insult you, it’s why i take so much of your shit. you are honestly the best friend i have. I know you can’t say the same about me, and that’s ok. i wouldn’t expect you to. i wouldn’t expect anyone to. i’m hipocritical, overdramatic, stupid, a liar, and i don’t deserve it. i’m sorry for picking out little thing’s and making a big deal about it. i’m gonna try to stop that, but please forgive me if i do it again, like you said, it’s a part of who i am. i hate that about me. i hate almost everything about me. i’m tired of bitching about every little thing. it’s so fucking annoying. i don’t like how all my friend’s would know me as the “overdramatic” one. i don’t wanna be known as “that guy”. i try to deny it but i know it’s true. i just wanna be a good friend. to everybody. i hate conflicts, i hate arguing, i hate losing friend’s. which is why i’m such a pussy about everything, and why i’m passive aggressive. i’m done with being such a wuss. it’s time to fucking change. i’m just gonna stop giving a shit and only care about people who actually give a shit about me. i’m gonna stop giving “my all” to all of my friend’s. only to the one’s who deserve it. i’m gonna stop lying about little bullshit, because that leads me no where. i care too much about how people think of me, especially you. i’m gonna stop because that stop’s me from being myself. i was myself when we first met, when you said that i actually had a personality. i changed because you made me feel so flawwed, like everything was wrong about myself. to the point where i was afraid to say anything about anything, because of the thought that you would make fun of me and change me more as a person. the ridiculing is the reason why i lost my “personality”. i just don’t want to even think about us not being fiend’s. you mean too much to me. the thought of us “not being friend’s” kills me. i love being your friend and i wouldn’t change that for the world. but i’m gonna be myself from now on.
so i was on the phone for like 2 or 3 hours with my best friend, but for the last idk 1 and a half hours on the phone she made fun of me, and it was ok at first but then she got carried away. Like, to the point where i cried for the last hour on the phone but didn’t admit to it because i was afraid she would make fun of me for that too. Idk, there’s just like a fine line between playing around, and making someone feel like shit. she’s passed that line A LOT but she doesn’t fucking take me seriously when I’m mad, and that fucking annoys me. another thing, I’m very fucking sensitive, because i have low self esteem, I’m not the best looking guy, I’m not funny, the only thing i can say is that I’m nice, and people use that to their fucking advantage. people walk all over me like a fucking sidewalk. Idk, i just feel like most of my friendship’s are so one sided. like, i care for my friend’s a lot, but i don’t feel or think that they even give a shit about me. i swear I’m just so passive aggressive about thing’s and one day I’m just gonna fucking explode. i love my friend’s to death and i would do almost anything for them, but some, like to make me feel like shit and laugh at my face about it. i just UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so fucking frustrated.
I was talking on the phone for a long time with my friend trying to make her feel better about her situation and then, she says this…
friend: I’m sick and tired of everyone
me: who’s everyone?
friend: you, (lists a few people) etc.
me: :c (mental “WTF!”)
I’m fucking tired of being under appreciated.
